We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
