He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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