Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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