they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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