I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
