I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
