ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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