Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize