go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh god the rape fog is back!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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