I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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