Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You can't motorboat a personality
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
