I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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