Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
