Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
