Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
