So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
