I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
