Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
