i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
