Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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