it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
