I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
