my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
