if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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