those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize