There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
sex in a hospital.. check
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
