so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love having hate sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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