i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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