I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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