I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
