You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
