he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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