i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
