remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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