I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
