A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
