We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
