My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
