Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
