In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
