well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
where am i from again
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
