My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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