check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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