why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
