Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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