I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need moral support for this bender
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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