Welp...herpes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
