Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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