Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize