dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just puked most of my soul out..
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