I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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