I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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