Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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