i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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