Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
