We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
