my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
