so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
