Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
