Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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