Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
