I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
