I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
time to smoke my breakfast
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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